Coming Home – Full Circle

I was flipping through television channels late at night searching for something new to watch when I came across a movie called “The Judge”. Out of desperation, mainly because I couldn’t sleep, I chose to watch the movie. As I watched this movie I found myself going back in time to when I had left my home and my parents. The movie had an uncanny way of bringing back memories of my life that I thought I had dealt with and moved beyond. There were so many moments in the movie that brought back painful childhood experiences that I began to wonder if it was just me or did everyone who watched this movie feel this way? I doubt I will ever know. What I did come away with was that in all things we come full circle.
I left home when I was 21 and after repeatedly trying to work through dysfunctional family issues via counseling, I realized I would never have the love I so needed from the people I was connected to in my family. I have not been home in a long time. My widowed mother will be 81 this year. My brother takes care of her when she needs something. She lives in her own home and goes about her life. I call her and my brother frequently to check in for updates, but for the most part life there remains the same.
I know the time is coming when I will have to return to my home town. When the day comes, I will go back to attend my mom’s funeral. I have resolved my feelings concerning my childhood. I wish things could have been different, but those events shaped who I am today. If I had stayed there I would not be the person I am at this moment. I will gladly go back to visit the places that live in my memories and in my heart. Perhaps as I wander those streets I’ll be reminded of who I would have been if I had stayed. I realize leaving my home town was the best thing for me at that time, and that decision helped me grow as a soul and as a person. Going home helps me reflect on where I am and where I came from.
Maybe that’s part of what the cycle of life is all about. Participating in events like weddings and funerals allows us to examine our lives along with who we are as we transition into new phases of life. These events give us the opportunity to really look at ourselves, to do the deep soul searching type of examination that people in our society rarely do these days because it is too painful to look at something that is true, much less real. In those quiet moments after the events, when all the people have gone, we are left with only ourselves and the reality of what has happened. We move on with our lives. If we get it right, if we do things the way they are supposed to be done, we have closure and we come full circle. Like the character in the movie, I left and will come back to my home town at the end to complete the circle.Picture7

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